Blast this shit, because that’s how the weather’s got me feeling.
Walk down the block with this in your ears and do a cute hop over the pile of dog shit that someone on the block never picks up. Usually, you just step over, but goddamn, this weather!
Stop in the bodega and grab a couple large bottles of water, ignore the leering eyes and take pride that your shirt is stuck to your lower back in soaked glory.
Skip up the five flights of stairs and take notice of the sunlight beaming through the chain-meshed windows, which help to create a green house effect. Think about the science involved in this process, and that for the next few months, the stairwell will actually have it’s own climate. Science rules!
Enter your apartment and immediately remove articles of clothing to the beat of the song. This is freeing and necessary, because any moment longer and your clothes could have reached the Point of No Return.
Authors note: with clothing, the Point of No Return is the moment the garment switches from being “re-wearable” to “must wash no matter what.”
After clothing is removed, immediately place the recently purchased waters in the freezer. Create a reminder for yourself to put up a clothesline in your room this weekend in order to create a more organized chaos to the process of laying clothes out to dry. No need to do the math about this, just know that you’re saving money.
Get creative, and think about marking the clothesline with days of the week, so there is no cross contamination and you are able to easily keep up the rotation. It is recommended that four days is an adequate passing of time for clothes to naturally dry without risk of “damp spots.” That being said, four days is just a suggestion, as some clothing may take more or less time than others.
Create subcategories for your clothing based on variables like: what materials dry faster/slower, which retain stronger odor, which turn crispy, which can be “reawakened,” original saturation level, etc.
Install a free weather app on your phone that is as accurate as possible. Do some research at the beginning of the week and plan which days you can get away with not wearing underwear and still be able to re-wear your pants/shorts without risk.
Remind yourself that what you’re doing is absolutely justified by the money you are saving.
Dig through your closet for the air conditioner the last roommate left behind, then remind yourself that this evil temptation does not have an energy saving option and remember the shock and pain of that month’s electricity bill. Close the closet, and remind yourself that a fan is more eco-friendly anyway. Make a note to add “bigger, better fan” to the Christmas list for next year and know that you’re looking out for yourself. Add an asterisk to this note, reminding yourself to stay strong and not remove it from the list for something more immediate come December.
As the sun sets, weigh the options of what closing the blinds means for outside-to-inside airflow versus the neighbors seeing you not wearing clothes.
When it is finally time to turn in for the night, take the water bottles out of the freezer and bring them to bed with you. Strategically place them near pressure points that are known to help circulate blood flow and will potentially keep your body cooler throughout the night.
If you have an animal or a partner, do not let them touch you. With this gorgeous changing of the seasons, there is no time for fur/skin-to-skin contact when it comes to slumber.
In the morning, put water bottles back in freezer, check the weather, dress accordingly, and listen again to one of the greatest songs as you attempt to pinch your pennies through another day in one of the greatest cities.