I went on a Tinder date with a woman who makes most her money as a Cam Girl. I didn’t know this until we were on the date and we got talking and seemed to be hitting it off.
She’s actually an intern at some PR company, which I find super ironic. We got talking quite a bit about being a Cam Girl, the types of Cam Girls, the types of fans, and the types of sites.
My date, we’ll call her Nan, is a Cam Girl who doesn’t show her face. Her videos consist of her stripping, showing off her body, and following instructions of what to do and what to show based on her subscribers and how much money, or tokens, they are giving.
Nan said it was obvious why she wouldn’t put this info in her Tinder profile, but at the same time, wasn’t too shy about it once we had a few drinks and were getting to know each other. She said it empowered her. Plus the money didn’t hurt.
Throughout our date, my mind was bouncing back and forth between being super turned on and absolutely weirded out. Is being a hidden-faced Cam Girl actually empowering? Am I being a slut-shamer for judging her for this?
First dates are never fun, and Tinder dates are always super awkward. I didn’t ask what her secret identity name was, and Nana didn’t offer to tell me. Maybe I should have asked, but I was worried that anything I’d say would come off as creepy.
Why would she tell me that? It got completely in my head, because her actions on the date were the opposite of someone who does Cam Girl-type work, or so I’d think.
Nan explained to me that honesty is a very important element of any relationship she has, and before ours had the possibility to begin, she wanted to be up front with me. I really appreciated this, and when she looked at me, raising her eyebrows in a “now it’s your turn,” sort of way, I didn’t know what to say. I felt compelled to try to top her, to come up with something more secretive and shocking in a way to possibly impress her. I racked my brain for things I’ve done that are in that level of secrecy. I shot back to my college years. Those were full of debauchery, but none of it was really a secret. I finally shrugged and said, “I’m a fan of snorting cocaine while masturbating in as cold of a room as possible.” It was a completely made up, ad-lib combination of words and after I said them I immediately wanted to disappear.
The thought crossed my mind that she was pulling my leg this entire time, the intention to get me to say something weird or secret that she could hold over me, blackmail me, or judge my character. She didn’t say, “gotcha,” and instead took another sip of her drink and nodded.
Our date came to a past-buzzed-to-drunken conclusion and she asked me if I was interested in going back to her place with the intention of filming something. My morals collided, my dick and my brain driving 90 mph into a head on collision.
In front of me was the hardest decision of my life. I excused myself to the bathroom to weigh the options. I hid in a bathroom stall that didn’t lock all the way and wrote this down as a way of working things out:
It’s just honesty, you know? And communication, lots of communication. You see these people who fuck online together, not the cam girls who fuck their boyfriends...it never really looks like the guy is into it. Like yeah, sure, your girlfriend is super hot and she's doing some kinky shit to herself and you get to fuck her a lot in some weird ways, but, like, people are watching.
And they're not jerking off to you. But they are jerking off to your actions.
You know what goes through your head when you're jerking off, now imagine that going through someone else’s head as they're jerking off to you and this girl (or your girlfriend)...and now try to stay hard and fuck the shit out of her.
What about the communication between an amateur video couple who upload their shit to the sites themselves or are part of a group pay website and their video got leaked...either way, that’s crazy. That’s two people who have fucking communicated. Is that what I’m about to get into? Is my life about to go down a path?
Are any of these online couples actually couples? Or are they Craigslist ads and Tinder dates gone honesty or I don’t know what?
Or they haven't even communicated, and one of them, probably the dude, has hidden the camera and the woman has no idea. I wonder how much that actually happens?
What is going on here?
I came out of the bathroom with more questions than answers. Across the bar, Nan and I made eye contact. She took a final drink, nodded sadly and knowingly at me, and left.
Back at my apartment, I opened a window to let in some cold air.